National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 46 (December 2–8)


Well, this week sure happened! It was like three weeks crammed into a one-week bag (again), but at least there was some good mixed in among the bad. So, as is so often true these days, it could have been worse.

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not a House committee! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

The Russia Investigation continued to be fast-paced and off-the-wall this week, though at least we had more time to get used to it. Here’s everything that happened, with the caveat that it remains confusing and mostly outside my specialty:

We also saw a few stories on the Disregard of Governing Norms front. Here are the main things to know from this past week:

Your “Normal” Weird:

The Bad:

The Good:

So that’s what I have for this week, and I’m sorry there’s no returning it to sender. For making it through, you deserve this video of a bobcat named Mr. Murderbritches enjoying his newfound freedom and an eventual better government. I’ll be back next week with more (and hopefully less) news, and I hope you will be back as well — but in the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me a timeturner so I have a hope of getting everything done!

National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 45 (November 25 — December 1)


Holy crow, there is so much wild Russia investigation news this week I considered creating a new section for it. (An analogy I wrote earlier today, and I stand by: “Mueller is driving a go-cart that runs on biodiesel through a mine field and lucky for us, he’s one of the best go-cart drivers in America.”) The rest of the week’s news is fairly middling, which means it’s mostly overshadowed, but given how difficult some of the past weeks have been that’s not a bad thing.

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not a G20 conference! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

The Russia Investigation was fast-paced and absolutely wild this week, so much so that I wondered if some of it was a fever dream upon first hearing it. (In my defense, I did in fact have a fever at the time.) Here’s everything that happened, with the caveat that it’s confusing and some of it is outside my specialty, though I’ll try my best:

We also saw a few stories on the Disregard of Governing Norms front. Here are the main things to know from this past week:

Your “Normal” Weird:

The Bad:

The Good:

So that’s what I have for this week, and I’m sorry there’s no returning it to sender. For making it through, you deserve this video of NASA scientists celebrating the InSight landing and an eventual better government. I’ll be back next week with more (and hopefully better) news, and I hope you will be back as well — but in the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me a plea deal from Roger Stone!

National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 44 (November 18–24)


https://drive.google.com/open?id=1akzuc_OOc2eEDj0IUyZUhzH_VdMSvUVm

This past week… what can I say, this week had a lot of turkeys. (It’s a fraught time for most of us under the best of circumstances, and in 2018 talking politics with family is a whole new minefield.)

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not chief of Interpol! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

We saw some movement on the Russia Investigation this week, though it was still relatively quiet, in the grand scheme of things:

This week also marked the return of what used to be the most common crisis in this section, the Disregard of Governing Norms. Here’s all the weird noise that happened on that front this week:

Your “Normal” Weird:

The Bad:

The Good:

So that’s what I have for this week, and I’m sorry there’s no returning it to sender. For making it through, you deserve this inexplicable Mr. T Mother’s Day video I found while looking up his catchphrases and an eventual better government. I’ll be back next week with more (and hopefully better) news, and I hope you will be back as well — but in the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me better news from the border!

National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 43 (November 11–17)


https://drive.google.com/open?id=1lcyAh5tHJkARRCNeMIkRKEyJhU_e6dRo

The news was less traumatizing this week, but it was definitely no less weird. Every week’s a plague under this administration, but sometimes it just rains frogs — and hey, at least it’s not All Locusts All the Time! That said, weeks like this can’t be much fun for the frogs. And they’re not all that much fun for us, either.

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not a box of cereal! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

Last week’s Threat to Free Speech has taken some twists and turns, though it may be on its way to resolving. Main thing to know from this past week:

We also saw some movement on the Russia Investigation, though it was still relatively quiet comparatively speaking:

This week also marked the return of what used to be the most common crisis in this section, the Disregard of Governing Norms. Here’s all the weird noise that happened on that front this week:

Your “Normal” Weird:

The Bad:

The Good:

  • Protection for Temporary Protected Status. Despite an ongoing glut of bad news for immigrants in this country, we did see a brief glimmer of light recently: As the Roundup mentioned a few weeks ago, a recent lawsuit in California forced the administration to halt its plan to remove status from about 300,000 people. In response to this lawsuit, the administration codified a renewal process this week, and its terms are fairly generous — the programs affected will now offer automatic nine-month extensions, authorization to work, and ability to re-register until the court case is resolved. This process buys time and relief for a huge number of people legally present in the United States, so it’s a much-welcome respite for the people it helps.

So that’s what I have for this week, and it’s definitely more than enough. For making it through, you deserve this short video about a police station that helps dogs and an eventual better government. I’ll be back next week with more (and hopefully less) news, and I hope you will be back as well — but in the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me caffeine or more time to nap!

National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 42 (November 4–10)


https://drive.google.com/open?id=1lzXJEPMtx4E3KI6a4QDXCGyPK1wAyfv8

This week was easily three weeks long — when asked to summarize it at a party this weekend, all I could come up with was “Election Day happened, then Trump threw a temper tantrum, then things got weird.” And, you know, writing that summary out a day later? Honestly, I kind of stand by it. (Although you still get a full Roundup, because I’m not at a party anymore.)

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not an election! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

Things are mostly slightly calmer on the Stochastic Terrorism front, which means we’re seeing an uptick in Threats to Free Speech. Main thing to know from this past week:

We also saw some truly bonkers news on the Russia Investigation, which has been fairly quiet over the past few weeks:

Your “Normal” Weird:

The Bad:

The Good:

So that’s what I have for this week, all three weeks’ worth of it. For making it through, you deserve this all-trombone cover of Bohemian Rhapsody and an eventual better government. I’ll be back next week with more (and hopefully less) news, and I hope you will be back as well — but in the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me final updates on the election!

National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 41 (October 28-November 3)


https://drive.google.com/open?id=1uJ0rwygZH6W2qRXg9GszJsRJVvMdinj1

This past week was probably slightly better in sum total than the previous week, but that’s honestly not saying much, because it was still very bad. As we gear up for Election Day, we’re contending with a lot of disgusting rhetoric around immigrants especially, and this type of xenophobia is not a good look for this country. I’ve prepped a document you can throw at people who espouse Xenophobia Greatest Hits, but the best thing you can do this week to help is to go vote tomorrow! (Suggestions for ironing out common voting snags in the Good section.)

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not a HBO show! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

We’re still seeing a marked uptick in incitement of hate-based vandalism and violence this week, which remains a disgusting perversion of our First Amendment rights — and it’s made even worse by the fact that communities are still recovering from last week’s violence. I’ve tentatively settled on referring to this section as tracking Stochastic Terrorism, since that’s basically what we’re dealing with here. Things to know from this past week:

We also saw a brief blip on the Russia Investigation, which has been fairly quiet over the past few weeks:

Your “Normal” Weird:

The Bad:

The Good:

So that’s what I have for this week, and it’s better than it could have been. I think it’s fair to say that this week, we all deserve harvest mice sleeping in tulips and an eventual better government. At any rate, tomorrow will be exciting, and we’ll all know more soon. I’ll be back next week with more (and hopefully good) news, and I hope you will be back as well — but in the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me photos of your I Voted sticker!

National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 37 (September 30 — October 6)


Well, it’s been about a day since the final Kavanaugh vote as I type this, and I think probably half the country spent some of Saturday, Sunday, or both in a shell-shocked malaise. And I won’t pretend this week was anything but a serious blow to our democracy, because I respect you all too much to candy-coat that. But there is still so much to do; as I type this, it’s about a month to the midterm election, and it’s realistic to think we can make real changes to the House — which would in turn mean impeachment proceedings. It might even still be possible to flip the Senate and take Yurtle the Turtle’s gavel away; a lot can happen in a month if we mobilize! In other words: we haven’t lost the whole enchilada yet, and a lot of us have registration deadlines coming up. So to keep us moving and on target, we’re switching to the Very Bad News Protocol here at Roundup HQ this week — The Bad is broken up into The Bad (Original Flavor) and The Very Bad (Extra Crispy-Making), and I’m also including a What We Can Do section because, no seriously, there is so much we can do once we’re able to peel ourselves off the floor. Also just like before, I moved The Good to the top because life’s too short and we all deserve to have our news dessert first. The closing also has fuzzy animal photos, which isn’t as good as a functional government but we’re working with what we’ve got this week.

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not a calendar! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

The Good:

  • Time bought for TPS. A District Court in California temporarily blocked termination of temporary protective status for four countries (Sudan, El Salvador, Haiti, and Nicaragua) this week, only three weeks before Sudan’s legal status was due to end. The preliminary injunction means that the judge believes the underlying challenge to the programs’ end has merit, likely due to the pages and pages of evidence that the whole thing was racially motivated; the administration’s executive power reaches its limits when they try to do things that are blatantly unconstitutional. That said, it was also pretty edifying to watch the court eat the government’s argument re: the travel ban for breakfast; I think my favorite quote is “The justification for a kind of super deference [for the government] advocated by the government in this case is not warranted.” These programs help over 300,000 people legally living in America, all of whom could get rounded up for deportation as soon as the programs end, and it could take several weeks for the administration to get this overturned even if the Supreme Court is on fire. So the decision buys more time for a lot of people — it’s not surprise that when this case was brought up in an immigration coalition meeting I attended this week, the whole room burst into applause.
  • Resilience in Charlottesville. A federal district court in Charlottesville has charged four white supremacists with inciting a riot and attacking counterprotesters last year after identifying them via footage of the incident. All four of the men are in custody in California and could face up to ten years in federal prison if convicted.
  • Jason Van Dyke Convicted of Murder. This one is less ‘good’ and more ‘grimly satisfying,’ but a jury in Chicago convicted police officer Jason Van Dyke of second-degree murder and sixteen counts of aggravated battery this week, four years after Van Dyke fatally shot seventeen-year-old Laquan McDonald seventeen times. The murder conviction carries a sentence of four to twenty years in prison, and each aggravated battery charge is potentially another six to thirty years. A final sentence is due on October 31.
  • HPV Vaccine Expansion. An HPV vaccination that has been available for years for minors and adults up to 26 will now be available to patients up to age 45 after a study showed its efficacy for the population. This is likely to further reduce incidences of cervix cancer in the population, as well as bringing down the price of the vaccine dramatically for people in that age range (since it can now be covered by insurance).

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

There’s definitely a lot to say about Casual Disregard of Governing Norms this week, but a lot of it will be covered below in the Extra Crispy-Making section. Here are the main other odds and ends to know:

The Russia Investigation was a bit quieter than the other splashy headlines this week, but there was still some movement. Here are the main things to know:

Your “Normal” Weird:

  • Are Gender Reveal Parties Always This Weird?* This week marked the sentencing for a CBP agent whose gender reveal explosion sparked a 47,000 acre fire in April 2017 (and that’s easily the most Trump-era sentence I’m going to write all week). The agent will ultimately owe $220,000 in restitution, despite the fire ultimately costing $8.2M in damages. Incredibly, one of the outlets to report on this wants you to know that the dude couldn’t be reached to confirm what the baby’s gender was — you’re right, Beaumont Enterprise, that’s definitely the burning question here.
  • Test of the Presidential Annoyance System.* This week marked the first national test of the IPAWS, which sadly is an International Public Alert and Warning Safety system and not a new electronic device for your pets. A bunch of the country got a Presidential Alert on the subject, although apparently not all of us did (which I can personally confirm, because apparently I’m among those marked to leave to die). But since the whole point of the test was to work out the kinks, we’re assured that this is being addressed.

The Bad:

  • EPA Episodes.* Another week, another set of horrifying reports, announcements, and proposals from History’s Worst Environmental Protection Agency. In addition to advancing the mercury proposal from last week, we’ve got a proposal on deck for weakening regs on radiation exposure, which relies on outlier arguments that a little bit of radiation is good for you (yes, really). And in follow up to last week’s Climate Change, Amirite? report, actual scientists doing their actual job at the United Nations are reporting very serious conditions such as food shortages, wildfires, and massive coral reef extinction as soon as 2040 — much sooner than we expected, because we initially believed a lot of these changes would occur at 3.6 degrees of warming, not at the newly-understood 2.7. There’s a silver lining, though, which is that these conditions are still avoidable if major changes are made in the next few years. So we can throw this on the giant pile of Reasons to Impeach Half the Administration and Put Grownups Back in Charge.
  • Farm bill Uncertainty. Just like the VAWA problem I mentioned last week, the Federal Farm Bill expired at the end of the month because lawmakers couldn’t find consensus. Unlike VAWA, it didn’t make it into the stopgap measure passed at the last minute to keep the governmental lights on. The two biggest programs in the bill, SNAP benefits and crop insurance, have other authorizations and will keep going. But it would be best if we got this ironed out quickly, because dozens of smaller programs are hanging out in limbo until it’s fixed.
  • LGBT Discrimination for, IDK, Funsies I Guess? For no apparent reason whatsoever, the Trump administration announced this week that it’s no longer issuing visas to same-sex partners of diplomats and United Nations employees unless they’re legally married, despite the fact that same-sex marriage is only recognized by 12% of the countries in the United Nations (and in many places, it’s still criminalized). The administration is also requiring partners of current diplomats to either get married here or leave, which has got to be the worst form of shotgun wedding I’ve ever heard. Incredibly, their stated reason for suddenly deciding this policy was necessary was “to ensure and promote equal treatment” — because legalizing same-sex marriage in 2015 apparently means they absolutely have to kick a bunch of queer people out in 2018, or, y’know, it’s not fair to the unmarried straight people. And if I write any more about how mind-numbingly asinine this entire thing is, I’m gonna give myself an aneurysm, so we’re just gonna move on now.

The Very Bad — Please Read It Anyway!

What We Can Do

So that’s what I have for this week, and I’m so sorry that it’s all I’ve got. For making it through all of that, you deserve this compilation of animal snapchats and an eventual better government. I’ll be back next week with more news, and I hope you will be back as well — but in the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me selfies of your self-care regimens!

- — —

National News Roundup News
After speaking with a friend and fellow voice actor, I’m excited to announce that we’re trying out accessibility recording here at the NNR! You can enjoy this week’s roundup in audio form at the link below, and I particularly recommend feedback on this development as we hash out the structure and feasibility of accessibility recording long-term.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1tWquvR0saV9XFfimRbhf1xIL56zoriAo

National News Roundup: Year 2, Week 32 (August 26-September 1)


Y’all, the theme of the past week is “we’re all being governed by malicious toddlers,” as both Trump and half the Senate completely ignore restraint or rule of law. It’s even more reason to take actions like participating in primaries, calling your reps, and voting in November! We can — and will — push through this. And in the meantime, there’s always ice cream.

Standard standing reminders apply: I am no journalist, though I play one in your inbox or browser, so I’m only summarizing the news within my area of expertise. This week’s news contains some detailed analysis that’s outside my expertise — I’m a lawyer, not 42,000 documents! — but all offroad adventures are marked with an asterisk. Okay, I think that’s about it for the disclaimers. Onward to the news!

Constitutional Crisis Corners:

As has become traditional, we saw a fair amount of Casual Disregard of Governing Norms this week, and most of it is in one way or another pretty horrifying. Here are the main things to know:

The Russia Investigation was calmer this week, but given the week before it that’s not saying much! Here are the things to know:

  • How Trump Handles a Bad Week. In the aftermath of major Russia Investigation developments, Trump made… some life choices on the subject. In particular, news broke that Giuliani is preparing a report on Mueller’s report designed to rebut whatever Mueller finds in his investigation — before the Mueller investigation has released a report, so that’s kind of a neat trick. But they have a plan for that too, because they’re telling Mueller to wrap up his investigation (again), this time claiming that it’s not fair to have an investigation within 60 days of an election day (and never mind that a) it’s not a Presidential election cycle, and b) an investigation during the 60 days before a Presidential election was literally how Trump became President). Meanwhile, multiple Trump aides are being accused of tax fraud while he still refuses to release his tax returns, so that will be interesting to watch as well.
  • White House Firing Redux (Russia Edition). Trump seems to be revisiting the idea of firing Sessions, Mueller, or both this week, according to the Washington Post and Trump’s own tweets. And as Papadopoulous faces sentencing, the walls do appear to be closing in, which might put a Trump-era Saturday Night Massacre back on the table. We’ll need to watch this carefully in the coming weeks, especially because Mueller already indicated that he won’t put his investigation on pause just because it’s 60 days before the election.

Your “Normal” Weird:

The Bad:

The Good:

So that’s what I have for this week, which seems like more than enough from where I’m sitting. The news was Chaotic Petty this week, and you deserve nice things for reading it, so please enjoy this story about veterinarians helping a lost sea lion get back to the sea. I’ll be back next week, and I hope you will be too. In the meantime, feel free to ping the National News Roundup ask box, which is there for your constructive comments. Send me questions! Send me feedback! Send me government officials who act like grownups!